"Andrew Fails" (fails)
06/30/2016 at 22:40 • Filed to: None
26
31|
"Andrew Fails" (fails)
06/30/2016 at 22:40 • Filed to: None | 26
| 31 |
Everyone’s nerves are on edge due to the multitude of last minute emergency repairs. Two hours before the car was to go up the mountain for staging, the motor was torn down to the bare block to replace the head gasket that had blown during practice. The night before, one of the vintage wheels had a crack sealed up with JB Weld in the parking lot of a tire shop. Even the alignment had been adjusted while on jack stands on the trailer.
This is it.
The big one.
Race day.
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Most teams have a year, and hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight their way up that goddamn hill. Kitchens and the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! team had neither. The car had been built in a month and a half on a shoestring budget, so last minute fixes had become a daily occurrence. But, they fought on.
“Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead.”
“Go big or go home.”
“Fuck it, go full retard.”
Pick a cliché motivating metaphor.
With the intention of never running the car again, the decision was made to crank the boost all the way up, run flat out, and push it until they hit the summit, or something exploded. You’ve got to respect that type of commitment. No wasted time on “what ifs” or “maybes.” Sure, the car may not be shaking down the way that they would have wanted, but it was the car they had. So it was going up that hill, no matter what.
So we hit the mountain about 7:00am, at which point others had been posted up for hours. That meant a nice healthy hike from one of the lower parking lots up to pit row. Nothing like a twenty minute walk up the side of a mountain first thing in the morning. Oh well, at least I wasn’t cold anymore by the time we met the rest of the team. The tentative schedule I was given was that the race would start roughly at 9:00, and that the IDB CRX would hit the start at around noon or 1:00pm.
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With that rough timetable, I slapped one GoPro on the car, showed the team’s media guy how to run the audio recorder, and started the next leg of my hike. Now, I did have press credentials, which got me through the gate to stand next to the starting line. That spot sucks. Don’t do that. Yes, you get to see the car launch, but every photo will have a few hundred random locals in the background. Nobody wants to see that. Instead, start walking along the fence. Here’s where the majority of the spectators and press are. Yes, the press get to be between the fence and the track, closer than the spectators. This spot sucks. Don’t do that. You’ll have a lovely orange plastic fence in the background of your photos, as well as having the exact same angles as everyone else.
Keep walking. Past the sheriffs that keep out all the riffraff. Have I mentioned how great press credentials are? That yellow piece of paper, paired with a vest, allow you to do almost anything you want. Find a spot up the road, where you cannot see a single person, fence, or sign. That’s what I did. Camp out under a tree, and settle in for a long day. In retrospect, a radio would have been a nice addition.
Otherwise, you do what I did, which is lean against a tree, swatting flies, and listening for engines. Because the whole route twists and winds up the mountain, you never see much of it at once. So occasionally, you get surprised by some of the cars. There’s been nothing for half an hour, and then suddenly somebody comes ripping around the bend, and you’re nowhere near the camera. This happened more than once. Most cars you could hear from a long way out, but due to that pesky Doppler effect, some you never hear until it’s passing you. But then oddly enough you can hear it for the next few miles. Science is weird, yo.
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As with anything, the longer you shoot this type of stuff, the easier it gets. The photos from even two days earlier are laughably poor in comparison. I started to finally get the hang of the long lens, tracking cars from the full 400mm range, all the way in to 100mm as it charges towards you, and then panning with it to try and keep it in frame. This is made all the more complicated by the fact that you have no idea how fast each car will be travelling. There’s everything from near stock forty-year-old Toyotas, to 911 Turbos with full aero, to semi-trucks, to motorcycle sidecars. All travel differently.
I said earlier that Kitchens was supposed to run near noon. In preparation for that, I brought some granola bars, but nothing substantial. Hike up the hill, camp out for three to four hours, then hike back. Easy. Even with my defective lungs. Sure, I might get a bit hungry or thirsty, but it would be a pretty easy day. We’d be back at the motel by five.
But by one o’clock, the Honda had yet to be seen.
By two o’clock, the Honda had yet to be seen. Oh well, I’d been told that there could be some delays.
By three o’clock, the Honda had yet to be seen. I know if I leave, that will be the instant he goes by.
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At 3:45, I start hearing thunder. The sporadic rain begins to become more persistent, and the ominous clouds from the morning are now nearly halfway down the mountain. Then I see three safety trucks go tearing past, heading up the hill. Well, that’s that. I’m not going to hike down a mountain, through the woods, during a thunderstorm. I’ve made it this far without dying, it would be a shame to ruin that record.
And then of course, as I always knew would happen, I saw the giant wing of the CRX go roaring past as I slogged my way along the ditch beside the road. Of course. So I failed to get race photos of the team that flew me out, and gave me a place to stay. Fantastic. Have I mentioned that a radio would have been helpful? But the news got worse when I met up with other team members, and made it back to race control. The IDB CRX had not been seen at the top yet, even though he should have made it already. Because I’m me, and I’ve inherited all sorts of depressing neuroses, I of course assumed that this meant Kitchens had gone over the edge. That vicious little Honda had finally torque-steered him right off a cliff.
We finally got word that he was safe, but the car had died. He’d done exactly what he promised, which was drive the absolute snot out of that tiny car, right until it hemorrhaged its coolant all over the side of the mountain. The CRX was dead. You could almost hear the profanity filled tirade from base camp. Eventually, Kitchens got a ride down the mountain with one of the safety teams, and he’d even grabbed the cameras and audio recorder from the car, before some light fingered fan walked off with them. Which they would have. We saw people drive off with everything from “No Parking” signs to hay bale covers.
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So at the end of the day, our car was broken and abandoned on the mountain, and I had no photos of it actually racing. Instead of being back safe and cozy by five, it was now nearly eight, and we were standing in the rain, hoping to see that little monster of a racecar come down on a flatbed. Finally, we got the word that the tow trucks were all heading home, but we could go get the car ourselves if it couldn’t wait until tomorrow. Obviously, it couldn’t, so a few team members jumped in the Ram, and headed up the mountain. The rest of us headed home.
At the end of the week, almost everything that could have gone wrong, did. But everyone was alive, and the worst injury was a case of a team member dry heaving for a mile of the drive up. Heavy drinking at altitude can sneak up on you. But more importantly, while everyone on Facebook likes to sit around and discuss what their perfect race car would be, and how great of a driver they are, the IDB team went and did it. No bullshit. They built a terrifyingly fast car, with no time, no money, and a platform that nobody else would have tried. So sure, a lot went wrong, but a lot went right. While you sat at home, watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory , they spent a week partying with their best friends, in the most beautiful setting you can imagine, while building the best car they could. So who really won?
Lincoln Osiris may say “Never go full retard.” but after hanging out with the IDB team for a week, I’ve learned that sometimes you need to.
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Fails is a freelance photographer who sometimes pretends to be literate. You can follow him on !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! or see his portfolio !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . He is talking in third person because it makes him feel mysterious.
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> Andrew Fails
06/30/2016 at 22:57 |
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I would be gutted. But the car looked good though.
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Andrew Fails
> Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
06/30/2016 at 23:06 |
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Kitchens, the owner/driver took it WAY better than I would have. I mean, still upset, but rational about it.
A pogo-stick, obviously.
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 10:13 |
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Pikes Peak had been on my bucket list since I was 12. Over the last few years, I’ve started scratching it off. Something about it changed when it got paved, the magic (for me) was gone. I still want to go as a spectator, but the desire to race it just once has gone for me.
Mmmmm
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 10:17 |
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What a shit show. I’ve never felt sympathy for people who aren’t willing to put too much effort in so they wait till the last minute, but I guess half the reason is to be able to throw around the excuse “but if only we would have had more time”. Also, I don’t think you can complain about budget when you are telling people to talk to your PR guy.
Trendie
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 10:48 |
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This car passed me on my way out of Texas and I lost my mind. Never seen a CRX like it before.
Then it showed up on OPPO and I learned more about it, crazy.
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Andrew Fails
> Trendie
07/01/2016 at 10:52 |
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Just wait until you see video of it.
golfball
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 11:02 |
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Great to see this one in action after it blew its motor during the Chihuahua Express. Apex is a fantastic shop.
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Andrew Fails
> golfball
07/01/2016 at 11:06 |
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The Apex guys were awesome to hang out with. And that car is so nutty.
Rock Bottom
> A pogo-stick, obviously.
07/01/2016 at 11:19 |
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Worse than the paving is the fact that spectating used to be pretty much uncontrolled. You could post up anywhere on the mountain and watch the race. Anywhere! Now they funnel you into limited spectating zones. It’s less “ 80s Group B Spectating Shenanigans ” and more “ safety first, kids ”.
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A pogo-stick, obviously.
> Rock Bottom
07/01/2016 at 11:29 |
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Probably for the best, but that doesn’t mean I can’t yearn for the good ‘ole days :)
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golfball
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 11:48 |
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Yeah, it’s a crazy build. I actually visited the shop when they were welding up the frame. It’s what convinced me to use them for the roll bar on my Alfa.
Braddock
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 13:51 |
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Where can i see video of this demon CRX?
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Andrew Fails
> Braddock
07/01/2016 at 13:52 |
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I believe currently it's in Houston, TX.
Gaseous Clay
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 14:45 |
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This is actually kind of heartbreaking. They didn’t succeed and neither did you! It’s like Dickens started doing photojournalism
Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 14:46 |
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I’ve been seeing that CRX on my Honda fanboi pages for weeks. As the owner of an ‘87 CRX Si, I love it quite severely.
So glad you got to go out there, man, even if everything sucked. I’ve been telling myself for years that I was going to drive out for it, but I have yet to do so.
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Andy Sheehan, StreetsideStig
> golfball
07/01/2016 at 14:47 |
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I saw these guys the weekend before Pikes Peak at the Hot Rod Power Tour in Kansas City . They drove the whole tour in that thing, then went straight to Colorado. Epic.
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Andrew Fails
> Gaseous Clay
07/01/2016 at 14:53 |
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Spirits were definitely low.
Redrocket265
> Mmmmm
07/01/2016 at 15:14 |
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...says the yellow plate, who’s response appears as that he intended to post it on a different article.
Lol
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Andrew Fails
> Braddock
07/01/2016 at 15:37 |
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Shit, sorry, missed the word 'video'. I'm going to try and get the rest of the footage soon and cut together something.
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Mmmmm
> Redrocket265
07/01/2016 at 16:14 |
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Hmmm, let’s recap:
A rushed build that broke down.
The author almost managed to stay outside for a full day but then the struggle was too great so he quit.
And then a paragraph wrapping it up talking about how everyone else’s life is bullshit and they deserve so much credit for their tremendous effort.
Plus some relentless self promoting of another webite the whole time.
Nope, this is the correct article. But I do know who deserves some props, and that’s all the people that put the effort in to show up prepared and make it up the mountain.
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Andrew Fails
> Mmmmm
07/01/2016 at 17:03 |
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I must have missed you on the mountain, hope your run went well!
Blondude
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 17:50 |
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Sweet baby jesus
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Andrew Fails
> Blondude
07/01/2016 at 17:56 |
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Crazy aero is my favorite part of Pikes Peak.
AFondoConFe
> Mmmmm
07/01/2016 at 17:58 |
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You sir, are a dick.
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Fujimo
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 18:02 |
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I like the build.
It was a respectable effort on all accounts. That’s how it goes, sometimes with racing. Makes the success that much sweeter, and respectable. Pike’s is ultimate, in my book. Elevation and air and fuel and decreasing down force... just mind “bottling”
I just don’t understand why jalopnik doesn’t do an article on one of their own sponsored in a race at pike’s? Or, say something more humble, like Lemons? Or Chumpcar?
Get Steph, or $Kay, or any of our own into one of these and send them up. Open up your damn coffers, gawker. Put these writers in the races (or in Steph’s case, back to lemons ((shout to the hef)), THEN have them write about it. Race the jalop. Race it, baby. Mooar jalopnik racing. Bump.
#Happyfourthjalopnik
#jalopnikbump
#apexcrx
Scouting For Zen
> Andrew Fails
07/01/2016 at 22:53 |
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I backpacked up the mountain—and the slog nearly killed me. Oddly enough, the last three miles were easier than the first couple; after Lightning Field (so named because a sign proclaims that during storms, lightning jumps from rock to rock), it was more mental than physical. Or I was so dead that my spirit was guiding my zombified corpse back to life. Many props to you for sticking out there until well after the daily storm hit, that sh*t’s terrifying in the mountains.
And I agree with you, the road is one twisty SOB.
Zachary Oberle
> Andrew Fails
07/02/2016 at 01:00 |
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“...the motor was torn down to the bare block to replace the head gasket...”
Umm, that’s not how you change a head-gasket. Maybe that’s why you guys failed so hard? You ripped an engine all the way down to the bare block in order to do a simple head-gasket swap? Either that, or you’re talking out of your ass and don’t know dick about engines. Hmmm.....
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Andrew Fails
> Zachary Oberle
07/02/2016 at 08:44 |
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I actually don’t know dick about engines. Which is why I'm a photographer, not a mechanic.
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Lord-Aleister-Chamber
> Mmmmm
07/02/2016 at 11:49 |
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CMRA yellow plate pussy talking out of his ass. Tell me sweetheart, why dont I see any wins after your name? Have you even broken the 2 minute mark at TWS yet sugar?
TheVancen- In Pursuit of a Greater Payday and Car Parts
> Andrew Fails
07/04/2016 at 12:36 |
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I think Pikes Peak would be an admirable goal for the Capri. Some day.
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Mmmmm
> Lord-Aleister-Chamber
07/06/2016 at 13:24 |
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I know, I was being a dick. It was inappropriate, I feel bad, I am sorry for that.